All week – I took it in as a bad thing – thinking that I should do something “stupid” to counteract this image I was projecting. Really? Mature? Old? at 27? I couldn’t help but to inspect for wrinkles in the mirror.

Then I had an excellent moment of clarity.

I went skating on the canal last night. I was early to meet a friend – so I decided to steal a table seat at a pub, enjoy a pre-skate pint and a dinner. I don’t often go out alone – but I had the perfect “people watching” spot and was enjoying watching the snow fall.

Next to me – sat a girl and a guy, who I originally thought were on a date, but then turned out to be on a job interview. I couldn’t help but to overhear. The conversation was about the guy, who wanted to work for this energy drink giant – discussing his “experience” with the beverage. During the interview I overheard the words / phrases:

• “that was so retarded”
• “i was so f-in messed up that night”
• “Oh yeah? you know him too? I had a lot of drugs that night”
• “Ottawa sucks – what a lame city – I’ll work anywhere but here”
• “I’m 25″. says guy “Oh yeah you’ve got some growing up to do, I’m 26″ says girl

Wow. At that moment – I was happy to be “mature”. I guess I forgot who I was comparing myself to! It’s amazing how immature other people can be – so yeah – next to those two – I may as well have been Betty White.

And you know what? I’m okay with that label now. I’m okay with being “mature”. I like the way I conduct myself – in a true and authentic way. I’ve never felt more like myself. And if a label that someone wants to put on it is “mature” then so be it!

The lesson here – who cares what labels people put on you. The label just comes from a comparison to others. It doesn’t really mean a whole lot. And if you’re happy with your life and you’re acting the way you want to act, then it doesn’t really matter!

And did I ever have a few “aha” moments.

Over the past few years, I’ve managed to maintain my body – but am not exactly where I want to be. I’m very happy with how far I’ve come – but had no idea what to do next.

Basically I learned that my cardio is awesome (thank you running, bodyattack and bodystep class). I learned that my muscle endurance is great – from doing classes with low weights and high reps. Awesome!

But where I lacked was to build muscle. I didn’t think I had to lift heavier weights or do more intense body weight exercises. I thought what I was doing was great and if I just kept on for a long period of time – I’d get there. But the reality is that building muscle takes work – and I’m so glad I have the knowledge that will get me there!

As I prepare for another full day in the classroom/gym – I’m getting psyched to learn more and to use myself as my first client.  And I’m not the only one! There are a few in the course who are just taking it to learn more about themselves rather than start a business. It’s amazing how much you can learn and grow when you decide to take charge and learn about how your own body works.

The theme of my weekend? Me saying “ohhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I get it!”

Pumped to put a plan together to help with events I'll have to complete in the spartan race! Pull ups here I come!

I heard this quote from a video I watched from the Spartan Race (which I’ve signed up for again this year). Here it is for those who haven’t seen it yet. (Yes, it’s a little dramatic, but a few things to make you think in there..)

I watched this a few days ago – and it’s been sticking with me all week. Why? Because I started to apply this quote to feelings of self sabotage I’ve been having  (sometimes we do sabotage ourselves when we’re close to a goal). Maybe – it’s fear of being different, successful, and/or great. What happens on the other side of a goal? The answer? Enjoy it – and move on to the next one.

I struggle with self sabotage at times. Who doesn’t? But its realizing that it’s happening that’s 1/2 the battle – and knowing you can just take a breath, stop, and get back on track.

It’s can be scary to reach a goal – live your life differently, or make a change that nobody around you thought you would. It takes a lot of courage to make a lifestyle change and stick to it. Whether it’s quitting smoking, eating better, working out, signing up for a race, going for a promotion at work – it can be scary – but rather than sabotage (like we’ve all done in the past) – it’s important to set yourself up for success and live as authentically as possible.  Be who you want to be. Do what you want to do.

“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same, as we are liberated from our own fear” – Now, how cool is that!? Now that’s called paying positivity forward.

Over the past few weeks – I’ve been doing a ton of reading / watching videos on health, nutrition and wellness (to get myself in the ‘zone’ for the course). And they all had a common theme that I hate to admit.

The body treats alcohol the same way it does sugar. Turns it into fat and general yuckiness in the body. (this is the ‘jackie’ version)

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew wine was bad for me – but my weekly bottle on a Friday night has probably been what’s holding my physique back a bit. My cardio is there (I can handle a 90 spin class NO problem!) my strength is still there – 25 push ups from toes? Bring it on!!!

With those two in check – how could I still have a little ‘cushion’ I want to see be reduced? The reality – it’s the wine (and the food choices that are made after a few glasses).

Now, I don’t have a problem or anything – I typically only indulge on the weekends – but I can indulge enough for a week’s worth for the average person over a weekend. What can I say? I’m in my 20s.

So what am I gonna do about it? REDUCE! (and start with a few weeks of getting off it). Inspired by a friend who’s ditching sugar in an effort to kick her chocolate habit – I’m gonna try to kick my wine habit to the curb for a little while. (OMG those who know me personally must be shocked right now – I DO own a nice wine fridge!)

Wine for occasions. And as much as I love to live in the ‘moment’ – Tuesday night at home with the cat is not an occasion.

It’s crazy when you start to read about what the chemical reactions are in the body – gives you a new perspective on WHY you’re supposed to be eating proteins, fats and carbs. Learning for yourself is so much better than having someone just tell you how. (And for those who know me really well – you know I have a problem with authority).

Now lets see if this is the culprit that is hiding my fabulous triceps! hahahahaha – funny writing that – but I can press yo!

typical sight at my place on weekends! again all in the name and fun and socialization... but my booty pays!

Watching a Ted Talk with my dinner tonight – something clicked. Watching Jane Fonda talk about how we, as humans, have 30 more years of life expectancy than we used to – are not sure what to do with it. She called it your “Third Act” and it’s a time where you begin to really focus and reflect on your life, reflect on what’s happened – and “close off” any events or relationships that need to be concluded.

Very interesting. A few things she said really connected with me:

1: “Your quality of life is determined by how you react to situations”. True – it’s all about how you see things and how you feel about a situation that makes it bad or good. Another man’s garbage is another man’s treasure? Could be true for emotions too.

2. “Reflecting on experiences we’ve had is what makes us wise, not the experience itself”. Ever meet people who have travelled the world – but seem closed off and not open to new things? Why travel if you don’t absorb the experience and look back to see how it may have affected you? Isn’t that what personal growth is all about? (This goes for any experience, not just travel). I really feel that reflecting can help you grow as a person – and help you be more confident in yourself (but not to the point where you dwell on it…)

The video is worth a watch. Also makes me less nervous to age (thank you advertising for scaring me about getting wrinkles) – knowing that personal growth will continue well into my 50s and 60s and that by always reflecting and doing new things and having new experiences – I’ll continue to learn more and grow more.

I like to experiment with what I eat, what workouts I do, what I do to relax and what I do to have fun. And sometimes I’m surprised by the outcome!

Last night I watched the documentary “I AM”. It’s about a film director that set out on a quest to find out “what’s wrong with the world” and “What can I do to fix it?”

Was a neat documentary – with a few neat ideas that required me to open my mind a bit. I’ve been thinking about a few things today – and recommend people watch it if they are interested. New Years is a great time to open your mind to new ideas – and see where it takes you!

I think it’s important that people keep learning and changing. You know what they say: when you know better, you do better.

For me – 2011 was an insane year. So many good things came my way – and I am so grateful for it.

With the help of family and friends – I bought my first house and managed to maintain it for a year! (I’m sure any new homeowner will understand that statement).

I ran my first marathon too again with the help of friends (and new friends made through my running club at the running room).

I’ve seen good friends get married, went hangliding with another good friend, learned that I love to camp thanks to friends who dragged me along. And that I love the Canadian Tire pop up tent!!! Can’t WAIT to go again.

I went paintballing and learned that they do sting when you get hit from close proximity.

I went hot air ballooning – an AMAZING experience. I went white water rafting, which scared the sh*t out of me – but looking back I’m SO happy I did it. Was a great time to bond with the people I went with.

I completed the Spartan Race – an insane race. Was an great learning experience in the importance of training – and the need to listen to our body (as I came out with a back injury from it – but it’s all good now).

Took a trip down a new city for me, Seattle – and had a blast! I love seeing new cities and traveling – although my cash situation has me staying in North America for the moment. Gottta work with what you have!

I also became a fitness instructor too! Was so much fun to teach – but had to choose between careers on that one – and in this case my day job won (which is totally okay – I was so grateful for the experience to lead – and hope to continue to lead in some way).

I even got my first pet – Orange Julius – goes by Julius for short – my new cat.

Whew! What a year!

So what did I learn from all of this?

1. I love goals and reaching them. It’s almost like a drug – the feeling of satisfaction of completing a 5k, or anything you set your mind to.

2. I can sometimes get a little extreme with things – and when I do – it tends to suck the fun out of it.

3. I love doing things with friends! I enjoy company while going on runs and hikes – and hope to continue this in 2012!

4. I feel like for once I’m really living my own life – and am starting to do things that make me happy!

So what’s in store for 2012?

1. Having fun! I am going to try to take the pressure off of myself but approaching things with a more fun attitude. I tend to put pressure on myself for no reason sometimes.

2. Going to bookclub more often! I’m in a bookclub which I love – but most times I don’t read the book! What does this really mean? It means that I need to be more well rounded and make time for things other than fitness in my life!Yes it’s important to stay healthy – but there’s more to life than running and eating salad.

3. More fun adventures, getting out there and meeting more people! At this point if you haven’t clued in – I’m a people person.

4. Be the most rockin’ MOH ever.

What do you have in store for 2012?

December was a crazy month. Lots of changes in my life (all good changes). With the stress that comes with any change, I had the tendency to justify what I was eating and drinking (oh you don’t want to know how many wine bottles and cake plates are in my trash/recycling). Let’s just say all the progress over the past few months has been negated – but I’m fine with it! I had tons of fun.

Taking time to reflect back on 2011 (I know I’m a few days early) I see that this was an incredible year. I learned a crazy amount about myself, my body and what I value in life.

I can really see now that I tend to do things to the “extreme”. For example, when I want to learn how to kayak – I sign up for an intensive 5 day white water kayaking course. When I pick up jogging – I end up running a marathon. When I go to the gym – I’ll do 2 classes instead of one. When I get into bootcamp workouts – I become an instructor. See a trend here?

I like to excel as much as the next person – but I don’t have to be firing on all cylinders all the time.

Also – I realize that I’ve set this expectation that I will do crazy races.  Everyone asks me “What are your race plans this year? Another marathon?” And yes – I did toy with training for a triathlon (and of course was thinking of a massive distance). I toyed with running another marathon too. I couldn’t make a solid decision (and notice my lack of posts because of this).

So – to look forward I looked back. This blog is hilarious to me when I read it back to myself – but going back to one of the first posts – I was inspired to bring back the reasons I started this blog in the first place (and the promise I made about how I would write from the heart).

To refresh our memories – I started the blog as a way for myself to stay accountable with workouts and losing weight. I also began to write about the emotional side of the journey (which is something you can’t ignore).

Keeping things simple for 2012 – “the year of inspiration and motivation” – I’m going back to just that. I’m not going to set any crazy goals – but rather do things I enjoy and figure out what’s really driving me and motivating me.  I will try new things – but won’t set a heavy expectation on myself. It feels really good to write that. I feel better about 2012 already.

So what are my resolutions for 2012?  Well it’s to do things that make me happy, do things that make me healthy, and not to give myself a hard time. And I’m sure I’ll do a little more self-discovery too (that’s what your 20′s are for, right?)

This past week was a huge one for me – I wrapped up teaching a bootcamp class (which I will miss dearly!), hosted a friend from out of town (who i’ll be visiting soon! yay upcoming vacation!) and got things somewhat sorted in my career. Awesome week eh?

So why did I feel so terrible about my body?! WTF is going on.

Well I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been bombarded by images of tall, beautiful models every 5 seconds. Yes, my confidence has grown this year, but I’m not immune to repetitive messaging. As a girl who’s 5’2″ – WHY was I comparing myself to the hot Victoria’s Secret models?!

We all have our days where we’re in the dumps. That’s why it’s great to have a reminder every now and then that fit bodies come in all shapes.

This year, I’ve managed to keep my fitness up (a 20 minute jump rope workout doesn’t phase me too much, woo woo!) and to finally be happy (most days) with my body.

I used to think of my legs (my thighs especially) as the enemy. I thought they looked terrible and massive – and they would always get me down. This year -these thighs- yup the ones I hated- have become my friend. They ran a marathon. They get me around. They are strong. They are getting toned. They work.

Learning to love our body is one thing – and learning not to compare it to anyone else’s is an equally important thing to do.

Love your body, sweat a bit, feed it great food – and live it up!

*p.s. I don’t have anything against the models – seeing them just brought out some insecurity that I had to work through – so all in all – a good thing and a great reminder!

What I loved about it:

I felt amazing. Lots of energy eating vegan… and I’m going to go there in this post – vegan farts do not stink! at all! I found this to be very interesting.

What I found hard:

It’s tough to convince people to eat at vegetarian / vegan restaurants. The world is NOT vegan / vegetarian. It’s actually tough to get a tasty meal at a regular restaurant. This is where I crumbled. Eating out got me off track. (Not to blame eating out – it was my choice – but I realize that eating is a big part of being social!)

What will I do with this experience?

Well, I will continue to make vegan meals at home. Moving forward, I’ll eat mostly vegan when I’m cooking. Vegan cooking is a flavour experience. It’s a bit cheaper too! So basically – I’ll be  a part time vegan – or as my friend says, I’m “vegan-ish”.

The results:

To be honest – I thought I was going to lose oodles of pounds going vegan. But I didn’t. I dropped only a few pounds – but 6 inches total Which rocks! Eating vegan showed me that when you eat nutritious foods – you have the energy to do just about anything. Being healthy is not about a number on a scale (I knew this before, but this experience solidified it!) I feel proud of my body – and I think it’s a result of how I’ve been treating it!

What’s next?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. My life is taking an exciting turn – which has me thinking of how I can create some excitement with another fitness challenge. 2011 was the year of the marathon (which I still can’t believe I did). I became a fitness instructor too – which is an AMAZING feeling. So what will I do in 2012? This takes some balls for me to write – but here I go. 2012 is going to be the year of the triathlon. What distance? Eventually I’d love to do a half ironman – or maybe even a full – but for this year – I’m gonna go for an Olympic Tri. Eeeeep! I wrote it out! Means I’m going to have to get things started!

The events of 2011 are coming to a close – and 2012 are just around the corner. A very exciting time! I’m setting the bar high – but at one point I thought a marathon was out of reach – and I did that… so why not reach a little bit higher? If I fail – no worries – at least I know I’ll have tried.

Now – if anyone has any tips on how to start training for a tri – hook me up!